Slivers of Grace- The Healing Power of Community

A few weeks ago I came home to find a block of cheese and a stuffed peacock waiting for me. I knew immediately it was a woman that left it. This gift wasn't the sort of thing man would leave . My son Dave and I  began the process of elimination. It had to be someone that knew Ryan , a peacock is symbolic of Ryan . The gift was just the right sort of off beat too. It was also someone that knew how much I love cheese. It really isn't something I broadcast . Some of the people very close to me have no idea about my cheese obsession.

A stuffed animal is significant, I  certainly don't collect them but I keep some sacred stuffed animals on my bed , my dads 70+ year old teddy bear I inherited as child. It came as a treasured gift to me,  after he passed, Gavins cabbage patch kid named Jeffrey, Dave's glow worm, a  heart I once gave my mom and a cat Mike and I rescued in a rain storm. We thought it was alive and went to great pains to rescue it on the busy highway, it turned out to be a very wet stuffed cat moving because of the force of rain. He was dubbed 202. This peacock was clearly meant for my bed so it was someone very close to us. Someone that knew February is a hard month too many anniversaries and cold grey days. A little cheer you up present. It worked.

Dave and I ran out of likely suspects then I got a  a message , she queried  did you get the cheese and peacock I left ? Hooray mystery solved! I couldn't wait to tell Dave.  It was Kelly , of course,  it was Kelly it made perfect sense. She is one of my youngest sons dear friends . She was around our family in good times and bad. In the aftermath of Gavin's death Ryan poured his heart out to her and she gently sheltered his fragile being. We haven't seen each other much since Ryan died. I keep track of her gypsy travels on Facebook. We message and I think of her often. It gives me pleasure to see the boys friends,  watch their lives move beautifully forward.

Kelly's bohemian life is the one that most resembles the life Ryan  enjoyed. At the funeral and weeks after she was one of the young people I clung to , other peoples children that became family. Children that help fill the void.  They clung right back huddling for safety from some unknown terror. The shock of it reverberating in their young lives. Lindsey, Ryans past girlfriend and life long friend, held my hand and cried during the entire funeral . Her presence gave me strength. One of their own was gone too soon. Some of them had been through Gavin's death, watching our joyful family change is so many ways. They were on the front lines with us. It's hard to describe the kind of bond that  was created but it's deep and strong. They're forever in my heart.

I was so happy to hear Kelly was home for a little while. Dave Kelly and I got together for lunch and a trip to the book store. A day Ryan would have loved. Bookstores, our family's favorite spot. I could get my boys to do almost anything if I promised a trip to Barnes and Noble.  We talked of Kelly's travels , Dave's children, good books,good music and of course we choked back tears talking about Ryan and Gavin. A day that was such a blessing, Ryan's presence was there we could all feel it.. Our honest conversation was healing. No one offering platitudes for the dead but rather those that loved Ryan telling real stories, laughing together, expressing sadness, joy and frustration. Ryan was never easy to understand but he was easy to love.  A love I think only a very few of us truly get. Ryan has a handful of friends I still keep in touch with each of them a ray of light. A little glimmer of Ryan is left in their hearts.
How lucky I am to have these kind souls with me , keeping Gavin and Ryan's spirit alive here.

Gavin's best friend from middle school and early high school stays in touch,shares stories of his life, remembers Gavin keeps him alive. I watch his happy life unfold. Gavin's then girlfriend Jennifer,  a psychologist in California has continued to be part of my life even 9 years later. She's never stopped being there.  Friends reach out, tell me tidbits I didn't know, share pictures and memories. Kevin stops by, just to see how things are.  Erin kept Ryan's picture on her Facebook profile for 3 years . I often see the posts friends send to Ryan, remembrances, songs, stories and inside jokes. They message me it's great, it makes me smile. They say my boys names , they talk about them , not afraid I will be sad. These are gifts the most precious gifts of the heart. When someone passes its scary thinking they may be forgotten.  I'm honored that my boys were loved deeply. They aren't just missed by me.

The boys had short lives but they were worthwhile lives. Love really doesn't die. Each memory, each contact, is a tiny sliver of grace. A testament to love and friendship . These friends are a big part of my

healing community, relationships forged    bylaughter and pain. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the lovely people I encounter on this journey.

I hope you have special people that walk with you on your journey's. If you don't , there are ways to find them, join a group , reach out, even an  online group helps.
It doesn't just help if you have lost a child,  it helps every trouble our hearts encounter. If you have a hurting friend,  walk with them in their sad times sit with them. One day they may need to do the same for you, even charmed lives see some dark days.

Community is life affirming, community gives us strength

Namaste