RIP

I didn't post my normal blog last Sunday. I couldn't find words because my cousin Chelsea's  20 year old son passed. She lost her 16 year old daughter Ariah 6 months ago. I was overwhelmed with sadness for her, for my aunt, for the siblings, family and for all of us, the parents of lost children. I seriously couldn't write anything.   It took a will and mindfulness to reach down inside and find the words to be there for my cousin. Words are hollow in these times. The depth of feeling can't be expressed with mere words. I want to fix it for her but I can't.  I relate to her pain and it radiates through me.  I know how difficult the road ahead will be and my heart aches for her , for all of them.  My aunt the mother of nine children. A mother that has lost one son  a grandmother that has lost 2 grandchildren, was always there for me. When I was in my teens I lived with my them. My Aunts kind spirit has been a blessing. She often helped when my mom couldn't. I still see my cousin  Chelsea as the adorable child I often babysat.  Like the Kennedy's my family has loss and lots of it.

While I was searching for plane tickets to fly to Utah for the funeral my only son called to say he was on his way to the hospital. I want to be there (in Utah) for my family and be here for my family. Some times it's just too much at once. Too much loss guilt and sadness. Watching my family so hurt is crushing. I know all too well there really are no words. This week is the anniversary of my own sons passing. Julian will be buried just 2 days before my Gavin left us.  I am taking a rest from the journey, from grief work, sitting quietly just paying attention to it all letting sadness live hoping for moments of peace.

I will pick up and start back on the healing road. Today I will  honor Ariah and Julian children that have passed far too young. I will pray for grace for Chelsea , their grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles and friends. I will pray for healing for them. I pray good memories may one day ease their pain. Rest in peace Angels.   God Bless You All